The Job Hunt

I have been in my new home for one week. Today I had my first interview. I applied to be in the temp pool for Accountemps. As my accounting education is still a work in progress it has been tough for me to figure out what types of jobs my experience and education actually qualify me for. So it was with great relief when I remembered Accountemps this last weekend and checked out their website. Among the selling points of the company is their promise to help place you in the jobs that are a good match for you. I submitted my application Sunday night. Monday afternoon the call came to schedule an interview and so today at 2:20 I set out to the corner to catch bus 9 to ride downtown. It was such a pleasant ride into work to sit back and take in the impressive sight that is the city center of Portland. No need to deal with traffic or paying for parking. Just sit back and relax...or sort of.

Frankly job interviews and the related ilk make me nervous and very reflective upon my past. I don't mean to digress or have this blog turn into the sort of introspective, whining blog that I can't stand nor have any place in life writing but I will say this about an important flaw in my being. I was thinking about this sort of thing a lot on the ride...what my honest response would be if asked about what my greatest weakness is. This is the conundrum that is me. I'm fully aware of the many talents and gifts I have been blessed with and yet for some reason I can't ever seem to trust myself to take significant risks- I don't ask more women out, I don't jump objects more than one body length above the water, I don't do anything that requires me to be out of my depths...and then I pull a stunt like moving to Portland. That was part of the reason for a move. To physically remove myself from almost everything I had ever known or grown comfortable with. So I decided that was going to be my answer when the question was asked. That I don't trust my own abilities enough to accept and overcome new challenges often enough. The big irk to me is that I always want to believe that with self-realization comes victory and yet how far I am removed from any signs of permanently overcoming my significant aversion to risk.

So I went into the interview and it went well. Then I took some accounting aptitude tests and cringed every time I missed one and imagined the recruiter tsk'ing at me as my scores came in sub-par. The interview and tests lasted about an hour and a half and then I found myself in the lobby while the recruiter raved about how incredibly strong my performance was. Everything was way above the averages that the Portland office sees. Well into the 90th percentile. So, while she explained to me about how excited she was to be able to get me out in front of companies so that they could offer me at the least temporary employment if not a permanent job, I stood half paying attention telling myself I told you so. That, again, I'd done all this fretting for nothing. That I need to get past this fear of failing because, while I'm sure there will be plenty of failures inevitably, my fear of it has prevented and is preventing me from many successes in life. Needless to say I beamed the whole walk back to the train and the ride home.

Now hopefully I can build on this small win and turn into a really sweet job!