Fresh Air

A few months ago I became a daily listener to Terry Gross. Her interviews have become a part of my daily routine. I found yesterday's program particularly interesting so I offer it up here for any feedback or discussion that may take place. I only wish it had been broadcast about a month ago. Enjoy!

UPDATE: Rich Cizik was asked to and then did resign because of this interview. Jim Wallis' take on the events...

Rich Cizik has been a pioneer in the “new evangelical” movement and a real hero, especially to the next generation of young believers. Rich has helped lead the way to putting “creation care” and climate change on the mainstream agenda of the evangelical movement. His pilgrimage to a deep passion for the planet that God made for us has been, in his own language, a “conversion” and an “epiphany.” Because of that, he has become a powerful spokesperson for many in the Christian world who are having that same conversion. The agenda of the evangelical world is deeper and wider because of Rich Cizik. In addition to the environment and climate change, Cizik has also led on the fundamental moral and biblical issues of global poverty and commitments like the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs), human trafficking, religious liberty, genocide in Darfur, and foreign policy issues like torture and even nuclear weapons. The NAE’s critically important statement, “For the Health of the Nation”, bears powerful witness to the wider agenda that is the shape of the new evangelical movement in America, and certainly around the world—especially for the next generation. But Rich Cizik resigned this week, at the request of the NAE, because of things he said in an NPR interview with Terry Gross. The controversy of some of Rich’s statements, in particular his “shifting” feelings about gay civil unions, admitting that he voted for Barack Obama in the primaries, and implying that he did so in the general election, caused so much controversy in some quarters of the NAE’s constituency that the Executive Committee felt they had no choice but to suggest resignation, which Rich quickly but sadly accepted. Rich Cizik still supports the Christian tradition of marriage between a man and a woman, which he reiterated after the interview, and that his strong pro-life commitments certainly included abortion, even though in the interview he said that pro-life commitments should include more than just abortion. He pointed out in the interview that younger evangelicals don’t have all the same views on gay and lesbian rights as their parents do, that more of them have friendships with gay people, and that more are sympathetic to their equal protection under the law and issues like civil unions. Cizik admitting that he identified with those shifts created the firestorm. All of this is very sad for many reasons. Rich has served the NAE, the evangelical movement, the wider church, and the wider world in such a dynamic, creative, and courageous way for 28 years, and for that service to end over the words of an interview is sad indeed. Already, leaders from many faith traditions, including many national evangelical leaders, have expressed great dismay at the loss of Rich Cizik in such a key role. And the Religious Right is already using Cizik’s resignation to attempt to roll back the wider social justice and environmental agenda of the NAE. In a particularly bizarre statement, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council said: This is the risk of walking through the green door of environmentalism and global warming — you risk being blinded by the green light and losing your sense of direction.

But NAE President Leith Anderson made clear that the NAE had no intention of retreating from the commitments of “For the Health of the Nation” and, while he defended the need for the resignation of Rich Cizik, said that it “saddened him” and was “personally painful.” I personally trust Leith Anderson’s and the NAE Executive Committee’s commitment to the wider evangelical agenda beyond just abortion and gay marriage, but also feel deeply saddened by these events. And I encourage the NAE’s leadership to stay on the path they have chosen and resist the efforts of those who would again seek to narrow the evangelical agenda in unbiblical ways and make it again subservient to a conservative political agenda.

As for Rich Cizik, he will continue to be a leader in the new faith coalition that is emerging now, and that will replace the Religious Right, without becoming a Religious Left. Pioneers sometimes get into trouble and even pay a price for their explorations into new territories. But in the new moral center that is now visible, Rich’s prophetic voice and leadership will continue to be heard and felt.

Republicanism in 2012

Since everyone is very eager to proclaim the end of Reagan Republicanism, I think in the future the party is going to be searching for a new identity. Of course, I've lamented the idea of taking the solutions of the past and trying to apply them to today but at the same time you do need to keep track of what American Conservatism has been so if you go back to the pre-Reagan days you have the group of Eisenhower-Nixon-Ford. Certainly there are elements of this vein of Republicanism that are horrendous and you never want to repeat them but at the same time you are reminding of things like this and you realize that whatever fusion of ideas the party comes up with...looking to Ike for some wisdom and guiding principles isn't such a bad idea.

Barack Obama...Christian?

It's a question a lot of people are asking. If his faith is truly Christian or not based on an interview he gave. The answer of course should be who cares? At least in regards to the office he has just been elected to. If you want to express concern over the state of his soul, well that's a different subject, unless you want to take him at his word which is basically all any of us can do. My first thought on the subject is to paraphrase Martin Luther, that he would rather be governed by a capable Muslim than an incompetent Christian.

Then I turn to two of my favorite voices calling out from the wild world wide web.

First, Ross Douthat:

If you're following the interesting debate over whether Barack Obama is a Christian, one thing to keep in mind is the extent to which heresy of various sorts pervades American Christianity at this point - and, moreover, the extent to which it cuts across confessional, cultural, and political lines. The Obama interview that provided the grist for this conversation does indeed suggest, as Larison puts it, that our President subscribes to some sort of semi-Arian conception of the nature of Christ, which isn't surprising at all given that he entered Christianity through the liberal-Protestant gate. But heresy of this and other stripes is hardly confined to liberal Protestants. Americans of all denominations are pretty murky about even the most important theological questions, and thus as likely to offer semi-Arian (or semi-Pelagian, or semi-Nestorian, or what-have-you) formulations out of ignorance as out of considered belief. And of course a distinctively American strand of heresy is integral to a large swathe of what we think of as "conservative" Christianity: You could call it Americanism or Moralistic Therapeutic Deism or something else entirely, but whatever label you choose it owes as much to Emerson, Hegel and Norman Vincent Peale as to Nicaea and Chalcedon, and its emanations and penumbras influence everything from the prosperity gospel to the foreign policy of George W. Bush.

Now it's true that if he had been asked about Christ's nature, Bush - or Ronald Reagan, to take another conservative President with an idiosyncratic religious sensibility - might have given a more Nicaean answer than Obama did in the interview in question. But then again maybe not! (And God only knows what John McCain, the most pagan Presidential contender we've had in some time, might have said.) Given the muddled way in which most Americans approach religion, and the pervasiveness of heterodoxy, I suppose I'm basically with Alan Jacobs: I think that figuring out exactly what sort of things Obama believes about God and Christ and everything else, and how those beliefs may affect his Presidency, is ultimately a more profitable pursuit than arguing about whether he should be allowed to call himself a Christian. Or put another way: I expect my Presidents to be heretics, but I think it matters a great deal what kind of heretics they are.

Second, Alan Jacobs:

Is Barack Obama a Christian? Rod has all the links to the various participants in the controversy. My view is this: the President-elect claims to be a Christian, and I take him — I think I have to take him — at his word. Could he be lying? Could he be self-deceived? Could he have a limited or erroneous understanding of what Christianity is? Yes to all three. But then, the same doubts could be directed at anyone who claims to be a Christian, including me.

We’re not mind-readers, and the attempt to discover just how much fit there is between someone’s profession of faith and the state of his heart and mind is a mug’s game. In the eighteenth century Jonathan Edwards nearly drove himself and his congregation nuts by his determination to withhold Communion from people unless he could be absolutely sure that they were truly and deeply believers. The problem with this approach was neatly summed by a century earlier by the great Richard Baxter — coiner of the phrase “mere Christianity” — who took the opposite view from Edwards. If congregants do “by word of mouth say, that they believe with a saving Faith, these words are but signs of their minds; and whether counterfeit or not, the Church cannot tell.” Even if they manifest good works and pious utterances, they could be doing so for reasons unconnected to faith — the desire for social approval in a Christian community, for instance.

So when people say “I am a Christian” I accept them at their word, just as I hope that they accept me at my word when I make the same claim.

But the conversation doesn't have to end there, does it? It seems to me that, having taken President-elect Obama at his word when he claims the Christian faith, we can then go on to discuss what he thinks Christianity is, who he thinks who Jesus is, what obligations he believes a Christian takes on by virtue of being a Christian, and so on. And as that conversation proceeds we might say to him that we think his understanding of Christianity sadly limited, or the place of Christ in his theology to be insufficient and wrong-headed, or whatever. (Those are the kinds of things I would probably say to the President-elect if we were having such a conversation.) And he might point out to us flaws in our own theologies — we’d have to be prepared for that, wouldn't we? The debate might go on a while. But I think the conversation will be healthier and more productive if no one starts it by denying the other the status of Christian.

The more you think about how every Christian is pretty uneducated when it comes to multitude of arguments that have been held about the person of Jesus or some theological issue in the history of the church...the more you should fear applying religious tests to political figures or hoping for a theocracy. Who's God would we end up putting over the top of us all. Then you come back to realizing how amazing it was that the Founding Fathers designed a solution for precisely this problem: Govern to the best of humanity's understanding and live your personal lives piously. It works out the best way.

Thoughts on Election Day

1. It almost seems surreal that we are finally going to decide this thing. I know I'm not alone in feeling like this contest has been going on forever?

2. It looks like it will be an easy win for Obama and we may have an anti-climactic ending by early afternoon.

3. I'm wondering how long it will take for the disillusion to set in on the behalf of the Obama movement. He is after all, merely a man, though extremely gifted and talented, and the challenges facing this land are of such a great magnitude. He's bound to disappoint and perhaps sooner rather than later. If you are looking for the Messiah, I believe he's already been here and is still at work but he's not running for President.

4. As someone who really truly is by nature a conservative person I find myself thinking along similar lines as Ross Douthat, another blogger I read daily when he writes all of this:

Conservatism in the United States faces a series of extremely knotty problems at the moment. How do you restrain the welfare state at a time when the entitlements we have are broadly popular, and yet their design puts them on a glide path to insolvency? How do you respond to the socioeconomic trends - wage stagnation, social immobility, rising health care costs, family breakdown, and so forth - that are slowly undermining support for the Reaganite model of low-tax capitalism? How do you sell socially-conservative ideas to a moderate middle that often perceives social conservatism as intolerant? How do you transform an increasingly white party with a history of benefiting from racially-charged issues into a party that can win majorities in an increasingly multiracial America? etc. Watching the McCain campaign, you'd barely even know that these problems exist, let alone that conservatives have any idea what to do about them. But there were people in the Bush Administration who did understand the situation facing the Right, and set out to wrestle with these challenges - and as a result, George W. Bush had a real chance (especially given the political capital he enjoyed after 9/11) to establish a model for center-right governance in the post-Reagan era. That he failed is by no means the greatest tragedy of the last eight years, but it is a tragedy nonetheless - for conservatives, and for the country.I'm not counseling despair here: There were people in 1976 who thought Richard Nixon had irrevocably squandered the chance to build a new right-of-center majority, and looked how that turned out. But for now, as America goes to the polls, I find myself stuck thinking about the lost opportunities of the last eight years, and the possibility that they may not come round again.

Maybe the Reagan model is obsolete as the world has changed. Maybe the left has the better ideas for how the economy should function at this point in time, just like Reagan had the right ideas 30 years ago. I'm willing to give them a shot. Socially, I wonder along similar lines...how do you explain that you think traditional values are actually better when for the past 40 years it seems like everything progressive has worked out just fine and some traditional values seem to fly in the face of science, man's best attempt at understanding the Universe. I'm not ready to throw out the totality of 6000 years of collective human wisdom simply because it's been proven wrong a few times (i.e., racism, etc.) and because we've managed to remedy a lot of the costs and negative externalities of the choices of our parents' generation.

Couple that with the idea that an Obama election assures us of an undivided Congress and White House. I fear this nearly as much as I fear extending the policies of the first six years of Bush's time in the White House. Look, the fact is Burke was right, power corrupts. Both sides have their excesses, and I'm sure the Democrats are going to make some mistakes during their time in power. I think the record of my lifetime proves a pretty valuable example of the fact that our government charts the best course when the Democrats and Republicans share power. Reagan/Bush and the Democratic Congress in the 80s and early 90s and the Clinton/Gingrich years from '94 through the end of his term. (Even the last two years of W. Bush, which people will one day look back on and see in a much more positive light.)

5. With all of that in mind, I'm two for two in presidential elections. Here's hoping I can continue batting 1.000%. A crazy world indeed, ain't it? An exciting one too!

Me=Obamacon

I have been tempted to write about this political season several times since I started this blog. I have refrained though because I didn't have the time or feel inclined to exert the effort to write the post that such a topic would deserve. My own political journey has taken me from a staunchly Republican family to where I am today- fancying myself more concerned with realism and pragmatism (which were conservative values at one time) than having any desire to embrace ideology. My simple answer, when I have been asked, is that this election I think Obama is offering better options than McCain. His positions align with the voices and recommendations of experts that I encounter when I read about the world we live in and the challenges we face. Mr. Andrew Sullivan, whose blog I read daily, offers a much better explained and concise set of reasons than I can, and mostly nails why I, as a self-identified conservative, will vote for Obama this year.

10. A body blow to racial identity politics. An end to the era of Jesse Jackson in black America.
9. Less debt. Yes, Obama will raise taxes on those earning over a quarter of a million. And he will spend on healthcare, Iraq, Afghanistan and the environment. But so will McCain. He plans more spending on health, the environment and won't touch defense of entitlements. And his refusal to touch taxes means an extra $4 trillion in debt over the massive increase presided over by Bush. And the CBO estimates that McCain's plans will add more to the debt over four years than Obama's. Fiscal conservatives have a clear choice.
8. A return to realism and prudence in foreign policy. Obama has consistently cited the foreign policy of George H. W. Bush as his inspiration. McCain's knee-jerk reaction to the Georgian conflict, his commitment to stay in Iraq indefinitely, and his brinksmanship over Iran's nuclear ambitions make him a far riskier choice for conservatives. The choice between Obama and McCain is like the choice between George H.W. Bush's first term and George W.'s.
7. An ability to understand the difference between listening to generals and delegating foreign policy to them.
6. Temperament. Obama has the coolest, calmest demeanor of any president since Eisenhower. Conservatism values that kind of constancy, especially compared with the hot-headed, irrational impulsiveness of McCain.
5. Faith. Obama's fusion of Christianity and reason, his non-fundamentalist faith, is a critical bridge between the new atheism and the new Christianism.
4. A truce in the culture war. Obama takes us past the debilitating boomer warfare that has raged since the 1960s. Nothing has distorted our politics so gravely; nothing has made a rational politics more elusive.
3. Two words: President Palin.
2. Conservative reform. Until conservatism can get a distance from the big-spending, privacy-busting, debt-ridden, crony-laden, fundamentalist, intolerant, incompetent and arrogant faux conservatism of the Bush-Cheney years, it will never regain a coherent message to actually govern this country again. The survival of conservatism requires a temporary eclipse of today's Republicanism. Losing would be the best thing to happen to conservatism since 1964. Back then, conservatives lost in a landslide for the right reasons. Now, Republicans are losing in a landslide for the wrong reasons.
1. The War Against Islamist terror. The strategy deployed by Bush and Cheney has failed. It has failed to destroy al Qaeda, except in a country, Iraq, where their presence was minimal before the US invasion. It has failed to bring any of the terrorists to justice, instead creating the excresence of Gitmo, torture, secret sites, and the collapse of America's reputation abroad. It has empowered Iran, allowed al Qaeda to regroup in Pakistan, made the next vast generation of Muslims loathe America, and imperiled our alliances. We need smarter leadership of the war: balancing force with diplomacy, hard power with better p.r., deploying strategy rather than mere tactics, and self-confidence rather than a bunker mentality.
Those conservatives who remain convinced, as I do, that Islamist terror remains the greatest threat to the West cannot risk a perpetuation of the failed Manichean worldview of the past eight years, and cannot risk the possibility of McCain making rash decisions in the middle of a potentially catastrophic global conflict. If you are serious about the war on terror and believe it is a war we have to win, the only serious candidate is Barack Obama.

I'm back!

I have acquired a new reader and she's wasted no time in drawing me back to this blog. I know a few of you have been craving for me to get back to posting more regularly. When I was younger (by which I mean up until about 6 months ago) I usually put my thoughts down in words only when I was going through tough times. Hence I have several half-used notebooks and one deceased blog full of mellow dramatic rants and declarations of undying love to the few women in my life I have really fallen for.

So, with a little deduction you can probably assume that do to the absence of any regular updates that things have been going very smoothly in life lately. All of this is a very long way of saying that I'll try harder to post more regularly and so, on that note, on with the show...

1. When I was in the 4th grade, my brother caught me with a fish hook between the eyes while he was attempting to cast. I was rushed to the emergency room with a night crawler danging in my eye...extremely blessed that the hook hadn't landed a half inch to the left or the right.

2. I once told a girl I had a crush on that I thought it was "disgusting" when she told me she thought I was good-looking. It was probably the longest day I ever spent at work.

3. I voted for George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004. I did so the first time with extreme eagerness. I did it the second time because I was angry that my state's votes were going to John Kerry regardless of my vote.

4. If I could have anyone's sense of humor it would be Jon Stewart's.

5. I've seen U2 in concert 7 times in my life.

6. Absolutely destroyed my 6th grade teacher's all-time record in her annual "Global Pursuit" trivia game.

7. Went to the Columbia River Gorge today and couldn't believe it...

I don't even think I know 7 people with blogs so how about it you read this and want to consider yourself tagged you can leave a link to your blog in my comments section. Deal?

Crazy World Indeed

How insane has this week been? Some saying we are on the verge of a Great Depression-like situation. Also, a very really reminder that you can't always get what you want and that sometimes you can really hurt someone even when you are trying to do the exact opposite.

Weekend in Review

This weekend was the first time that I had both Saturday and Sunday off since I started working. The urgency of the project is over as the deadline has been successfully met. Thus, no need for overtime. Friday, we began transitioning into a new project that and so I will have a while longer to continue working at this job. It was also brought to my attention by my co-worker that our supervisor on this assignment was asking her what she knew about my background and qualifications because there "are always opportunities here." So it will remain to be seen if something more permanent will emerge from the situation. Honestly, I'd have to give such an option serious consideration if the pay was right since it's been such an ideal situation so far. I'll keep you all posted.

The weekend was great. Saturday morning, Tim, Julia and I headed off to a great farmer's market that is located at Portland State University. I bought some delicious strawberries. Tim came home with a nectarine he really enjoyed and Julia, who was the only one smart enough to bring along any real amount of money, brought home all sorts of fruit and vegetable delights. Then I hiked off, with the two love birds dawdling behind to find the main library which was a few blocks away. The library is in a grand, old three story building. It was a pleasant experience walking through all the rooms checking everything out and acquiring a new library card. I plan to spend a lot of time there this coming winter as it will provide a nice way to get out of the house when the winter sets in.

This morning, Tim and I went out and bought a frisbee. Then we headed over to the University of Portland with Julia and Sluggo, her dog. It was a very beautiful day in Portland today and so we joined not a few UP students in the quad. Tim and I worked on our frisbee throws. He wants to learn to play Ultimate and Julia ran her dog silly chasing his ball all over the place. It really made me miss college and everyone I knew at Chapman but it was a leisurely day nonetheless.

Tonight, Tim and I went to a church that one of my temporary co-workers told me about when we were working together. It's called Red Sea. From what my coworker told me and what I could glean from the website I understood the church to be affiliated with Mark Driscoll's Acts 29 Network of churches. I assumed the experience would be similar to the white, urban evangelical church stereotype that I have in my mind. Largely it was except for the fact that 3/4 of the congregation are black. I don't know that this is even noteworthy and in some way it makes me feel kind of weird to even point this out as noteworthy. This congregation, though small (there were only around 40 there tonight) was by far the friendliest group of Christians we have gone to church with since we've been up here. After the service was over, we were invited to dinner by many of the people in the church and also invited to someone's house for BBQ and a movie on Wednesday. I felt bad having to decline both offers but Tim and I were exhausted after the events of the afternoon and this Wednesday I think Megan and her parents will be in town.

I'm not really sure what to do about the church. There is no reason not to go back, but like Imago Dei, I'm not sure if I should commit to something right away. Should I keep exploring or just settle down?...realizing that ultimately church is about things that are so much bigger than just me.

A Feast

I don't know if I'm surprised or what but between the two of us Tim and I can whip some really good stuff. Tonight: steak and mushrooms, asparagus, baked potato and spinach and a big, delicious beer to wash it all down with.

Aside from that, work continues to go well. I got an issue of Portland Monthly magazine earlier this week and so I know have some ideas of things to see and places to eat around town. Can't wait to explore!

August 23, 2008

I played two and a half hours of ultimate today at a park that I walked to. I missed the camarederie of my friends but this was still a ton of fun. Last night, I went to a baseball game with my ex-boss. Again a lot of fun.

Reality Sets In

I had a great day today. Then after a nice evening work out as I'm settling down for bed my brother comes home to inform me that someone stole the catalytic converter off his truck. I guess Oregon has its fair share of low lives as well...Now I don't know how to express in a blog how angry I am.

Monday

We've had some crazy weather. Over the weekend, the mercury pushed triple digits each day. Then today I awoke to rain. As I got ready for work, a thunderhead rolled in and nature put on a display. I have an irrational fear of electricity in general and lightning, specifically. It's probably because I have heard way to many urban legends about it. I took the world's fastest shower because I feared a bolt might hit a pipe and fry me as I stood in the tub.

At work on the 13th floor, I had a bird's eye view as we rode out the storm. I wish I had the presence of mind to bring the camera along.

After work, the heavy rain had moved on and it left me with my first experience with the Portland air post-precipitation. Amazingly fresh! I think it's the scent they knock off to put inside "rain" themed air freshener.

Also I don't know who really reads this blog but I'd be especially interested to know what the women in the audience think of this.

Images on My Walk to Work

The neighborhood park
The train station at the park
Tree-lined street!
El Tren
Work

Single-Handedly Powering the Oregon Economy

So I have been very busy. I got a job but due to confidentiality I'm not supposed to share any of the details of the assignment. The great things about the job are these: One, it is only 3/4 of a mile from my place so I can walk to and from work every day. Also, I walk home at lunch and eat. Sandwiches are so much better when they aren't soggy from sitting in a container all day. Two, I can work as much as I want which means lots of overtime! Three, from my work station I have a killer view of the southern half of Portland (esp Downtown) which makes sitting and looking out the window a very pleasant break. Four, I can sit and listen to NPR all day whilst I work. I have never listened to NPR much because I could never remember what the station was in Southern California and also, I used to listen to my iPod all the time. So I get to hear about lots of interesting stuff.

I have been in Portland nearly a month now. I haven't put gas in my truck since the day I drove up. I love it.

The title of the post refers to the amount of things I have been buying including a new mattress...finally! I had been sleeping on an air mattress and now sleep is so much better! Also, per Matt's request I bought a camera. It's being shipped here from Dell. I had never heard of pricegrabber.com before but I found the camera for $50 from Dell than it was at Best Buy. So that means that when I get it there will be quite a few pictures to post. So I can scratch that one off the to-do list and add learn more about photography in its place.

Thanks for the comments. Once I get my computer back, hopefully the posting will be a lot more consistent.

A Reasonable Explanation (or Two)

I haven't posted recently because:

1) my parents were in town for almost a week. I was very busy running about town with them.

2) My Thinkpad got blue-screened to death (AGAIN!) and is out of commission. Don't buy one of them. They certainly haven't come close to living up to their reputation in my experience.

3) I got a job.

More on at least two of these subjects at another time!... Know in the meantime that life is nearly great but there is something missing. Still it's really good. Honestly. :)

The Job Hunt

I have been in my new home for one week. Today I had my first interview. I applied to be in the temp pool for Accountemps. As my accounting education is still a work in progress it has been tough for me to figure out what types of jobs my experience and education actually qualify me for. So it was with great relief when I remembered Accountemps this last weekend and checked out their website. Among the selling points of the company is their promise to help place you in the jobs that are a good match for you. I submitted my application Sunday night. Monday afternoon the call came to schedule an interview and so today at 2:20 I set out to the corner to catch bus 9 to ride downtown. It was such a pleasant ride into work to sit back and take in the impressive sight that is the city center of Portland. No need to deal with traffic or paying for parking. Just sit back and relax...or sort of.

Frankly job interviews and the related ilk make me nervous and very reflective upon my past. I don't mean to digress or have this blog turn into the sort of introspective, whining blog that I can't stand nor have any place in life writing but I will say this about an important flaw in my being. I was thinking about this sort of thing a lot on the ride...what my honest response would be if asked about what my greatest weakness is. This is the conundrum that is me. I'm fully aware of the many talents and gifts I have been blessed with and yet for some reason I can't ever seem to trust myself to take significant risks- I don't ask more women out, I don't jump objects more than one body length above the water, I don't do anything that requires me to be out of my depths...and then I pull a stunt like moving to Portland. That was part of the reason for a move. To physically remove myself from almost everything I had ever known or grown comfortable with. So I decided that was going to be my answer when the question was asked. That I don't trust my own abilities enough to accept and overcome new challenges often enough. The big irk to me is that I always want to believe that with self-realization comes victory and yet how far I am removed from any signs of permanently overcoming my significant aversion to risk.

So I went into the interview and it went well. Then I took some accounting aptitude tests and cringed every time I missed one and imagined the recruiter tsk'ing at me as my scores came in sub-par. The interview and tests lasted about an hour and a half and then I found myself in the lobby while the recruiter raved about how incredibly strong my performance was. Everything was way above the averages that the Portland office sees. Well into the 90th percentile. So, while she explained to me about how excited she was to be able to get me out in front of companies so that they could offer me at the least temporary employment if not a permanent job, I stood half paying attention telling myself I told you so. That, again, I'd done all this fretting for nothing. That I need to get past this fear of failing because, while I'm sure there will be plenty of failures inevitably, my fear of it has prevented and is preventing me from many successes in life. Needless to say I beamed the whole walk back to the train and the ride home.

Now hopefully I can build on this small win and turn into a really sweet job!

The Weekend

Saturday morning began with waffle eating ber at Julia's. Then we were off for some berry picking at Sauvie Island. Our crew picked raspberries, marionberries, blueberries, green beans, and lettuce. Afterwards, we reaped some of the benefits of our labors with some freshly made marionberry crisps, vanilla ice cream and coffee. Delicious. Then it was back home for Tim and I long enough to cook and eat some dinner before we headed off on the MAX to the Oregon Brewer's Festival.

The event was held down by the river in the same waterfront park where Obama had his rally that 100,000 people showed up at. We got there with only an hour and a half until closing and by the time we met up with Julia's circle of friends had very little leftover to really check things out. The cost of entrance is free. At that point, you are free to explore and freely sample four different types of root beer offered by a group who is in attendence to speak out about the dangers of alcohol. Or you can buy a mug and tokens. A mug will cost you $4 and each token is a $1. 1 token gets you a sample of any beer present (a sample is about half the mug) or for 4 tokens you can get your mug filled. Obviously the system favors sampling which I would assume leads to the brewer's real long term goals of having new customers discover their drinks. There were long lines and then when you got to the front- informational displays detailed the specifics of each drink. I don't know if it was the time of day that we arrived or the general habit of the crowd but it seemed like most of the attendees were much less concerned with being beer connoisseurs as they were with partying with their friends. Such is to be expected I guess.

We came back and watched half of Into The Wild. This morning, we tried our first church, Imago Dei. The church meets in a neat, old high school facility. The skies were dreary and cold and inside the school's auditorium the congregation felt similar. It's a church which is very similar in style to RockHarbor but with more diversity in the age demographic. It'll be worth going back to check out again even if my first impressions weren't the most favorable. The rest of the day will probably be devoted to cleaning up around the place and getting ready for the week which will include a trip to see The Dark Knight, the first visit of our parents and, hopefully, employment.

First Friday

We established our Internet connection this evening. The past few days have been very full. Plenty of household acquisitions at places I have seldom darkened the door of in the past: Linens-N-Things, IKEA, Pier 1. Having a mall directly across the street makes for easy outings and it's pleasant to be able to go for a while and when you get tired of shopping (as I do easily) know you can return later without it being a big ordeal.

The weather so far has been very nice. The first few days were overcast and cool but the clouds burned off around early afternoon and then sunny and clear until it gets dark a little after 9 pm. The past couple the mercury has pushed into the low 90s and we have been fortunate to live up on the 4th floor where the breeze seems to be regular and easily cools off our place.

The city has (at this very early date) fulfilled what I was hoping for in moving. Since I pulled into the parking garage on Tuesday morning I have only had to drive one time. Instead there has been plenty of walking and when needed we can board the bus or MAX line and ride to the west side of town for free. Each night, Tim and I walk to the neighborhood Safeway and buy groceries. It's a pleasant walk and being able to get food only a quarter of a mile away makes cooking seem less daunting. I'm not sure why that is exactly. Perhaps because you walk out having spent only a few dollars and can carry your food home instead of the massive trips we used to have to take when I lived in Orange. Cooking has been one of the big, early surprises. I never did a lot of it when I lived in Orange because I didn't know how to cook for one person. It's been a pleasure though as we have created some delicious meals so far and I've found it very fulfilling to improve upon a skill I've always felt insecure about. In a few more weeks, I don't think I'd have any problem cooking for a special lady. I have a recipe for shrimp and Spanish rice that I would like to create but I'm afraid I may have to wait awhile as Tim doesn't think he'd like it too much.

I've established several routines. The aforementioned dining and a workout routine which has helped us pass the time. Now that we have the various Internets at our disposal I hope that I'll be able to find employment soon. Work- the ultimate routine.

All in all, I would describe the move as a resounding success to this point. Though I'm sure the unbridled enthusiasm will dampen with time I've felt a great burst of energy which I'm going to try and capture in some fashion in my to-do list and in future posts. It's strange how I've found myself experiencing various emotions/feelings throughout the day which have been dormant for most of the past 5 years. So dormant in fact that I'd forgotten they were even gone. A renewed sense of confidence and purpose. I'm sure there are several of you reading this who are thinking about all the times they tried to remind me of these things missing from my life. Well, rest assured, they are back.

Another of these absent feelings which has returned is a sense of loneliness. I'm sure it's enhanced by the fact that I've spent most of my social time over the past few days with a couple of lovebirds but I've found myself really wanting a special someone of my own to experience all of these new discoveries with. A hand to hold as I explore this new home of mine. I saw Wall-E tonight which may not have helped much in that regard either. Tomorrow, I'm headed to some nearby island with my brother, his girlfriend and a couple of her girl friends to pick berries. Then perhaps a visit to the Oregon Brewers Festival which is apparently the BIG deal in town this weekend.

Here are some pictures I took of our place earlier this week. A few of them will need to be updated as soon as I can get my hands on my brother's camera again.

The Oregon Trail

I departed Sunday night and left home for Fresno. It was not nearly as difficult a task as I imagined it might be. Arriving in Fresno I spent the night at my friend Loren's new house and was reminded of just how much things have changed in the years since we first became friends and yet in spite of that the bond between us remains as strong and as easy to resume as ever.

I left on Monday after lunch and assumed that I'd arrive in Portland shortly after midnight. As I approached Sacramento, I began to read signs notifying me of the closure of the Golden State Freeway in Sacramento. Surely this was wrong I told myself. At home when they fix the freeway, they close down a few lanes but never the entire road. But lo and behold, in Sacramento, Caltrans operates a bit differently. So as I cruised into Sacramento at 5 pm, I found myself in traffic congestion that would give Southern California a run for its money. The detour route was poorly marked and despite the best efforts of Matt Minegar and all the power of the internets I managed to turn the wrong way and head toward Reno instead of San Francisco. Several traffic-jammed miles later I began to sense that I was on the wrong road. After a short-sidetrack I found myself in Sacramento's downtown which is a really confusing place. So in addition to driving a grid I had never experienced before in a truck with a couch in the bed creating a huge blind spot. Attempting to call for help (hands free of course) I ended up driving down a one-way street the wrong way and nearly ran over a poor guy who was trying to keep me from making the wrong turn I was in the process of. Finally with the help of Mark, Kelli, David and Nat I managed to make my way back to the 5.

On the open road, it was smooth sailing but I had lost at least 2 hours on my drive and so spent the rest of the time travelling through some very beautiful country in the dead of night. Somewhere around midnight I decided to pull off the road and spend the night at a hotel. As I walked into the lobby, ready for a shower and a good night's sleep I was informed that my dream would cost me $95. In my mind, I decided driving all night wouldn't be so bad. The woman asked me if I was a AAA member. I responded that I was but left my card in my truck. Techinically true. I turned and left and the woman watched on- puzzled as I got back in my truck and drove away. In my mind, I imagined a very funny movie scene where I revved the engine, skreeched the tires and ran into something in my escape.

In reality I drove on and found a cup of coffee at a McDonald's that was still open. Through the night, my only real diversion was trying to think of funny parallels I could draw between the only computer game every child of the 80s ever played and my own journey to Oregon. As I crossed the Willamette River at 4 am I stared to my left at downtown Portland shimmering back at me. The bridges, the river, all the lights...I live here now I realized. What a surreal and beautiful feeling. Within in two hours, I found my place, parked, unpacked and fell asleep.

Not the easiest of treks to Oregon, but hey, at least, I didn't die of dysentery.

Borrowed Time: Three Days to Go

My brother and his girlfriend left this morning. Destination: Portland, Oregon. It's the first moment of recognition for me. His room is empty. The occupancy of the house has dropped by one.

I'm thrilled by the prospect of living elsewhere. A big city where it rains and yet at the same time sympathize with my parents and grandparents as they adjust to a change in a situation which has been more or less the same for the last 24 years. I struggle with the way that almost all of my friendships will be altered by this choice I'm making. I don't think it's a right or wrong/good or bad choice but it's going to change my life regardless. As Steve Zissou says at the end of Life Aquatic, "This is an adventure." Indeed.